Welp...herpes.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
