Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
