Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
