Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
