you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
