Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
