so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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