We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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