Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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