I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
