All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
