You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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