I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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