I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
