You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
