i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
