This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
