I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
