She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
