he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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