new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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