so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
