I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
