Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
