So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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