I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
