Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
