.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
