i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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