In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
