And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
