talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
