Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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