my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
