I hate your face
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
