Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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