So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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