I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
