My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
