Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
