I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
