they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
