I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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