remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
