The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
