I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
