I wish I could teleport
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
