i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
