Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
