I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
