he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
