Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Everything about him screamed your future.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
