Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Randomize
